Sep 092008

5 Facts about CERN’s Large Hadron Collider

Ah, skip that actually. It’s just pornography for statisticians. And you’ve read the rest: blah blah hadron Higgs boson God particle blah…

OK, here are the facts that count.

1) Nobody gives a flying one what you think. Get that straight for a start.

2) Insurance policies consider the probability of loss and the severity of the loss should a disaster occur. Particle physicists working for CERN say that the probability of a disaster is extremely low. Of course, the whole planet will get swallowed up by a black hole if things do go wrong, but there would be no-one around to make a claim, so “hey”.

(3) Taking experiments off-world costs more than building things in Switzerland. It’s that expensive. As you should know by now, the fundamental particle in the Universe is the Dollar (the value of which can go up or down in a strangely charming way).

(4) Careers are at stake here.

(5) Barring that very unlikely yet catastrophic accident, come Thursday everyone will be repeatedly reminded that there was no need to have worried. In future, you will be expected to trust the scientists and the interests they serve, without airing your silly concerns. See point 1.

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